It’s Who You Are
What is on your bucket list for the next year? I was sitting on a table at an event to meet new women, and that was a question asked. We had choice of asking pre-organised questions, or discussing whatever we chose. On this table we chose the pre-organised questions, and what happened was pretty amazing. There was constant laughter, curiosity, discussion of little dreams, big dreams and a level of intrigue about what people would ask, and answer. There was beautiful warmth at the table where no one was trying to prove anything or fit to a title. We were just being ourselves, sharing stories that had nothing to do with what we did for work. When time was up we just wanted to stay to hear more and soak up the incredible joy, laughter and positive energy.
Prior to being on that table, I had been on another table where discussion started off with the quite common “What do you do?” Although still polite, and friendly it was .a lot more serious and heavier. We talked roles, responsibilities, and workplaces, but not much else. While I walked away knowing what people did, I didn’t walk away knowing who they were.
When meeting people, how often do we ask what people do like it is the ‘go to ‘question. Although we may not admit it, we then may make judgements, and assumptions about who they are. It’s almost like we put them in a box when they say they are a doctor, lawyer, teacher, cleaner, stay at home mum or unemployed. We can miss the true essence of who they are and not ask inquisitive questions to dig a little deeper. There may be thought “What would I have in common with a doctor, when I’m a stay at home mum”, where you both may be able to talk nonstop about bird watching. We have no idea the amazing traits’ and commonalities we are missing in people
When you skip past the usual small talk and ask questions that light people up., you get a whole different version of them and that is pretty special. Their eyes light up, they feel seen and you feel a greater sense of connection because when you get people talking about what they are passionate about, the conversation becomes so much more empowering.
So maybe next time, instead of leading with, “What do you do?” we could try, “What’s something you’re excited about right now?” or “What’s one thing on your bucket list this year?” because when we ask better questions, we avoid trying to slot people into boxes, and we start to see them as they truly are.
Of course the question I asked at the event was “What made you smile this week?” Why not ask one of your colleagues what made them smile and see their response. It may make you smile too!
